Mom shaming. It bothered me from the moment I became a mom myself. In light of the most recent public mom-shaming of supermodel Chrissy Teigan, I felt I needed to write this.
Teigan was spotted dining out with her husband nearly two weeks after her gorgeous daughter, Luna, was born. While I say, “GOOD FOR YOU, CHRISSY,” others publicly chimed in on the mom shaming, chastising Teigan for the short evening out and belittling her for trusting someone with her newborn. Really? Really. Sorry you had to experience that already, Chrissy. Us moms sure can make each other feel pretty darn bad.
While I refuse to hang around people who make me feel guilty for my parenting choices, there have been been moments when I was made to feel guilty by strangers! I realize most moms shame other moms because they truly believe that their way is the best — perhaps the only — way to do things. Maybe some moms even act the way they do under the false pretense that they are helping out other (in their opinion) ill-informed moms. I think that the majority of us make decisions about our children out of love and with the best interest of our kids and our families at heart.
Mom shaming be damned.
Here are some more things I want to say about what you decide to do…
It doesn’t matter to me if you scoured Pinterest for months prior to your toddler’s birthday, ordered special cake pans from Cakes R Us, went to six stores to find the right candy to make a yellow brick road to top the seven-layer cake you’re making for the Wizard of Oz-themed bash. I’m also cool if you went to Marsh the morning of your kid’s birthday and pulled a cake out of the fridge and said, “This cake right there looks good!” And I am sure it was.
I know you love your baby just the same.
It doesn’t matter to me if you hosted a birthday bash in your perfectly watered, impeccably landscaped backyard, complete with a fountain and a secret garden. I don’t care if live pony rides were on the agenda or Bozo the clown was there in the flesh doing tricks. It also doesn’t matter to me if you decided to let your daughter invite two friends to McDonald’s play land. Cheeseburgers on the menu for this party! Thanks, Ronald!
I know you love your baby just the same.
It doesn’t matter to me if you nursed your child all through preschool up until the moment he got on the bus to Kindergarten. I also don’t mind if you never could make nursing work and he had formula from the get-go. You did what you could and what worked for you and your little one, and that’s all you CAN do, Mama.
I know you love your baby just the same.
It doesn’t matter to me if you let your child cry it out. You need your own rest and sometimes that is how you get your baby to finally sleep. It’s also cool if you decided to let little Molly cuddle (or kick you) all night in bed. I know those moments of desperation and, heck, does anyone really want to remember the sleepless nights? They are so hard. You have to do what works. And no matter how you get your little one to finally sleep …
I know you love your baby just the same.
It doesn’t bother me if you spent hours researching the most eco-friendly, stain-proof cloth diapers and use those exclusively on your little one’s bum. I also don’t mind if you purchase disposable diapers in bulk from Sam’s Club without a second thought.
I know you love your baby just the same.
I don’t think you’re a bad mom if you work away from the home for 60 hours a week. Kudos to you. You do that to put food on the table and provide for your children. I don’t think you’re a lazy bon-bon-eating mom if you stay home. Kudos to you. You do that to be with your kids and spend a lot of time comforting crying little ones and cleaning up messes. Do what makes sense for your family. I’ve been a full-time working mom and a (very) part-time work-from-home mom. Both have their challenges. Both are rewarding. Whichever you do …
I know you love your baby just the same.
What I choose to do isn’t the same as what you choose to do, and guess what? Neither is the “best” or the “right” way. You do what makes you and your family happy, and I will do what works best for mine. Our babies are safe and loved and healthy. We’d give the world for our kids so why is mom shaming even a thing?
As parents, we all want to give our children the best lives possible. We are all trying to turn these snot-nosed, ornery, beautiful little stinkers into respectable humans who are happy and smart and treat others kindly. So we need to start by not beating each other up over the decisions we make out of LOVE. We need to focus on what matters … and it’s not how many months you nursed or if you hosted the most epic 4th birthday party since 1995.
You, mama who is reading this, are doing an amazing job! Don’t let mom shaming get the best of you.
Keep doing what you can. That’s all you, and really all any of us, can do. I am proud of you. Keep up the good work!
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Category: Family Free TimeTags: birthday party
