Mother's Day When You Are Struggling to Conceive

Karyn Cole Karyn Cole is the lucky mom of 2-year-old girl/boy twins, Mia and Miles. After teaching elementary school for over 15 years, she now spends her days trying to enrich her class of two and organizing the chaos that is her household. After bedtime, she enjoys baking, crafting, and watching bad reality TV.

I will never forget Mother’s Day, 2014. That was the day I finally brought my daughter, Mia, home from the hospital. After a long NICU stay, we were able to bring her home (her twin brother, Miles, had been home for about a week), and my little family was complete. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and scared, but I was unbelievable happy.

Mother’s Day hasn’t always been an easy day for me. For years, it was a stark reminder that I wasn’t a mother. Every card in the store, every commercial on TV was like a sucker punch that took my breath away, reminding me of the one thing I hadn’t been able to accomplish.

When you are struggling to conceive, so many things are hard. Tabloid reports of teenage celebrity pregnancies make you irrationally angry. Groups of moms at the park bring tears to your eyes. Baby showers make you want to take to your bed. And Mother’s Day was the most difficult day of all.

It’s a hard day to ignore. Despite the heartache, I still wanted to celebrate the incredible women in my life – my own mother, my mother-in-law, and my grandmother, along with all the other ladies out there killing it as moms every single day. So I mailed off cards, sent flowers, and hoped I didn’t break down in tears.

My road to motherhood was difficult, through multiple surgeries, invasive procedures, shots, and medications. But that crazy, winding, often uphill path led me to where I am today. And I wouldn’t change the final destination for the world.

This year, on Mother’s Day, I ask you to be gentle around your childless friends. Don’t ask when she is going to have kids. Don’t joke about how nice it must be to be able to shower in peace or sleep in every day. Because a crying baby waking her up in the middle of the night just might be her greatest wish.

And if you are stuck somewhere on your motherhood journey, know there are many other women on that same road. We understand, and we are here if you need us. This Mother’s Day, I am thinking of you and fervently hoping that your dreams come true.

True stories from the front lines of parenting.

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