I am a police wife — this is my everyday life.
I am a typical stay-at-home wife. I take care of the normal house duties and horrible chores. I am constantly picking up LEGOs and Matchbox cars, and on some days, everything is left on the floor for me to step on the next day. I am a taxi driver, nurse, counselor, teacher, and everything else that a mom must be in one day. I am always on duty, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. I am always being pulled in different directions, but I am great at multi-tasking.
One thing about me that might be different from a typical stay-at-home wife is that I am also a police wife. I’ve been married to my husband for 10 years. We have two beautiful children, ages 6 and 4. My husband has been an officer for 25 years, and I am counting down until his retirement. I have also been around law enforcement during the time before I became a stay-at-home wife. I was a corrections officer for two years and a dispatcher for 10 years.
I have an idea of what my husband deals with even though I have never arrived on the scene of an accident or come face to face with a domestic violence victim. I was the one who answered the phone and sent the officers. Hearing the screams on the other end of the phone and having to send officers to bad situations that no one should ever hear or see becomes a lot to deal with. But, at the end of my shift, I would walk through the door at home and shed my clothes and erase everything that I had heard that night, and I would embrace my kids and start my day.
Unfortunately, it’s not as easy for my husband. He will walk through the door and he will shed his uniform, but the fear and pain never go away. He will embrace our kids, but I see it in his eyes: the hope that he will embrace them at the end of every shift.
That look in his eyes is something only a police wife and other spouses of those who serve and protect understand.
I am a typical stay-at-home wife, but as a police wife I have to do and adapt to things that might not seem normal to other wives. I have known my husband close to 15 years. I’ve always known him as a police officer. It never bothered me what he did or what he may face. Even with all his K-9 calls in the middle of the night or the times that he would have to stay over because of a fatality accident, I felt at peace. I never really worried or thought about it.
That all changed in August of 2014, when he was called out to assist in Ferguson. Years of suppressed fear and worry surfaced. It was always a habit for me to help him get ready for a call out, and that night was no different. I grabbed his dog and placed him in his patrol car while my husband suited up. I guess the dog sensed my fear because he was more excited than usual. I walked inside and held it together pretty well. I just couldn’t make eye contact because I knew if I did, I would lose it. He was all ready to go. I, on the other hand, was not ready to let him go. We walked out together and hugged each other tight. I placed a medicine bag in his hand and told him,
“I love you. Make it back home to us.”
I stood there alone and watched him drive away and then finally, I cried. That sense of fear was so unfamiliar to me but after 15 years it finally hit me that he could get hurt or never come home.
Unfortunately, that feeling and fear, has not gone away. What our officers are going through is also affecting their families and spouses.
Not only did it affect me, tremendously, but also our kids. My daughter cried every night for her daddy to tuck her in bed and kiss her goodnight. My son would constantly ask, “Where’s daddy?” Our world as we knew it as a family unit was turned upside and the past two years have been rough. All that we can do is just spend time together and take nothing for granted.
For the past two years, I’ve learned to duck and cover, take different routes back home and always answer the phone when my husband calls. I know how crazy and abnormal this sounds, but these are few examples that are a part of my life.
I am a police wife.
I still have to run errands, take the kids to school and live a “normal” life. However, I have to be aware of my surroundings and always keep a close eye on my kids, even at home. I have to mentally prepare myself when I turn on the news or check social media. And I am not allowed to listen to the scanner, for my own well being. Sadly, this is just the way that it has to be, although, hopefully, for not much longer.
I did not grow up in a religious family, nor did we go to church regularly. But, I have made it my daily routine to always pray for my husband and for all police officers. My family and I have started going to church and praying together. We need faith and God more than ever. I’ve prayed and prayed that I never get a knock on the door and find officers standing on the other side. That is something that I cannot mentally prepare myself for or even want to think about, but this is our reality.
I knew who I was marrying 10 years ago. If I knew then what I know today, I would have still married him. None of the past events would have changed my mind about loving him. I did not marry the police officer; I married my best friend, my hero, and my rock.
I am a mother. I am a police wife.
Celena was born and raised on a small Indian reservation in Southern California and now lives in Missouri. She’s been married for 10 years and has two children, a daughter and a son. She hopes one day to publish a book based on her life experiences.
Let’s connect on social media:
Mumbling Mommy on Facebook
Mumbling Mommy on Instagram
Mumbling Mommy on Pinterest
Mumbling Mommy on Twitter
Tags: Celena
