Small baby bumps can  be a point of sensitivity for moms, too. 

Other women have written countless times about all the insensitive things you should never say to pregnant women. It’s usually stuff about how large pregnant woman are. “Are you sure it’s not twins?” or “Oh, my gosh, you’re so huge, you look like you’re about to burst!”

My experience during my own two pregnancies was slightly different. I probably did get a few comments about looking “ready to pop” toward the final weeks. But I was never a very large pregnant woman. Most people told me my belly was small.

I have an average-size body and gained a healthy amount of weight – 30 to 35 pounds – during each pregnancy. I was “all belly,” as they often say. I had a classic basketball belly, which one of my coworkers frequently pointed out in a friendly way during my first pregnancy. “I think the neighborhood kids would really like their basketball back,” she joked.

While my belly seemed plenty big to me, people told me I was small compared to other pregnant women. It sometimes bothered me. Why was it okay to comment on small baby bumps but not large ones? Maybe I wouldn’t have minded so much, except that the first time I heard the comment, it was delivered in a thoughtless manner.

It happened while I was on my lunch break at work. I was a teacher’s aide in our school district, and I sat in the staff lunch room eating a Hot Pocket and chatting with several other women gathered around a few tables. The subject of my pregnancy came up, and it got the attention of a woman whom I had never met before who was working as a substitute teacher that day. She looked me up and down and remarked, “You’re pregnant? You don’t look like you have a baby in there.”

The comment stung. I felt like she was calling me a liar. I was barely out of my first trimester, and it was my first pregnancy, which meant it took longer to show. Still, I had gained some weight and was wearing smaller maternity clothes by that point. People who knew me well could tell I was pregnant.

I thought, when did people decide that you only look pregnant if you look like you’re about to burst? Small baby bumps are still baby bumps. 

I was sensitive about “small” comments for the remainder of that pregnancy. At 20 weeks when I learned I was expecting a daughter, I showed ultrasound pictures to coworkers. One person said, “But the baby is so small. How can they tell?” I took that to mean, “But your belly is so small. They can’t possibly do a proper ultrasound on you.” My baby, by the way, had average measurements during that ultrasound. A few weeks later at a baby shower with my family, an older relative who is known for not having a “filter” told me, “You need to grow more!”

The comments continued to roll in even during the final months of my pregnancy. I went crib shopping at a children’s consignment store, and the woman behind the counter expressed surprise when I told her I was in my third trimester. “Those firstborn babies are good at hiding in there,” she said.

I mentioned the “small” comments to my OB during a routine checkup. She assured me, “You’re just the right size. Besides, this is your first pregnancy and you still have good muscle tone.” She laughed and added, “But don’t worry. That will go away.”

Four days before my due date, I gave birth to an 8 pound, 3 ounce little girl who was 21 ¼ inches long. As my daughter was laid on my chest, my OB remarked, “That’s a big baby.” The attending nurse agreed. I found it incredibly ironic.

Small Baby Bumps – Round 2

37 weeks pregnant with my firstborn

The small baby bumps comments returned during my second pregnancy. My husband told me about a conversation he had with friends at church during a baby shower they held for us. I was helping my 3-year-old daughter through the food line while my husband chatted with a few people at the back of the room. Someone told my husband how great I looked and how they couldn’t even tell I was pregnant when they looked at me from behind.

“Don’t let Rachael hear you say that,” Josh said. “She hates when people tell her she’s small.”

Our second daughter was 8 pounds, 4 ounces and also 21 ¼ inches long at birth. One of my friends offered congratulations on Facebook and helped me feel vindicated when she added, “For as much grief as people give you about being small, you sure do have big babies.”

The comments about looking small hurt as much as the comments about looking huge. One of my good friends who is a mom of three also had a small belly during her pregnancies. When she was expecting her third baby, I watched her visibly wince when a neighbor commented on how little her belly was. You learn to see the “small baby bumps” comments coming after a while — people squint as they look you over, and you can tell they’re convinced something doesn’t add up. Even worse is when people wonder out loud if your baby is not healthy because you have a “small” belly. Thankfully, I never fielded that type of comment. If you want to play it safe, you can’t go wrong simply telling a pregnant woman she looks good, and maybe wish her luck in the new journey she is about to embark on.

One of the most meaningful interactions related to my pregnancy that I had with a stranger happened the day before my second daughter was born. I was headed to my last prenatal appointment in my OB’s office in a large medical office building attached to the hospital. As I entered the lobby and passed the valet parking counter, the cheerful African American woman working there made a friendly remark about my pregnant state. On my way out of the building a short time later, she called after me, “Good luck!”

I’m not sure if she somehow knew I was about to give birth in 15 hours or whether she was just being nice. I smiled and thanked her and headed home, and I thought, wouldn’t it be nice if all strangers could say such encouraging things to moms-to-be? One can always hope.

Category: Pregnancy

Tags: pregnancy