The term “single mom” does not always simply describe a woman who is divorced from her child’s father, a woman whose husband passed away, or a woman who had a child from a single night of passion and therefore doesn’t have a father figure in the picture. It can be used to describe all of these people but it leaves out an important group of moms: those who seek single parenting by choice.
There are also many men around the world who are bringing up children as a solo parents thanks to the circumstances that they’ve found themselves in, and there are many men who are doing so because they choose to have a family without the romantic attachment that comes so often with having children.
Single mothers by choice have often turned to co-parenting or sperm donors in order to have a child, and they will do so for the very purpose that they don’t want a romantic attachment to their child’s father. Whether they choose to have their co-parent involved in an equal partnership or not, they are choosing to have the child without any form of romance.
Whatever the situation, however you came to have the label ‘single mom’ or ‘single dad’; some single parents might argue that parenting alone is actually easier than parenting in conjunction with another person. Some might even say that they have chosen to shirk a romantic relationship and delve straight into the parenting in order to avoid the pain, stress, and sometimes heartbreak of raising a child with a romantic partner. There are some other reasons to pick single parenting by choice. Here are some.
Single Parenting By Choice
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Autonomy. Without a romantic partner (and this goes for both single moms and single dads) you can do things your own way, without having to agree on (or disagree on) parenting styles, discipline and the way that you will bring up your child.
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Less tension. A completely single parent will benefit from having no level of conflict in the house. By all means, there will be the conflict between you and your child, but there will be no conflict between parents, no bad vibes to rub off on your child, no arguments to brush under the carpet because little Johnny is on his way home from school.
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No drama. With no parental conflict, there is no romantic drama. This means there is no chance of divorce, no way that you’ll end up in a custody battle, and no way that this whole upset will cause disruption to your child’s development. Divorce is not only a disruption and heartache for you, as parents, to battle through, but it’s equally as challenging for the children of divorced parents.
The list of reasons to parent alone could continue forever, however, those that wish to co-parent might find these ideas quite daunting. That’s why co-parenting, without a romantic connection, is another option. With a co-parent you are already in a custody agreement, and due to the nature of your relationship this agreement should not be altered throughout the child’s life, even if, for some reason, your friendship does turn sour.
The advantage of co-parenting compared to single parenting is that you do have that support system, a cushion, if you will, on which to fall should parenting solo get too much for you. You will never be alone, but you also don’t need to rely on somebody with whom you are romantically attached.
Franz is a proud father of two and created the site CoParents.com to help those who want to
become parents in co-parenting or througha sperm donation.
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