Katie Katie Parsons is the creator of Mumbling Mommy and is a freelance writer, editor and communications specialist. She works from her home office on the east coast of Florida. Most often she writes about life in a combined family of five children and what it's like being a full time work-from-home parent. Feel free to pitch guest post ideas or just drop her a line at katie@mumblingmommy.com.

I successfully made it to the 9th month of pregnancy! Or in proper pre-natal terms, 36 weeks (I think they want us to keep our math brains active). Now don’t get me wrong with this post, by and large I have really enjoyed my first pregnancy. It has been relatively complication free, and I made it through trimester number one with less than 5 minutes total of nausea- that right there made it worth it!

But I would like to acknowledge a few of the less glamorous moments in pregnancy- not to take away from the miracle of creating life or the blessing of having this privilege, but simply as a humorous anecdote.

So here is my running list of the “eh” aspects of late pregnancy (or perhaps the entire TEN months):

Heartburn-This one has been the worst for me. I prefer to call it a raging inferno, fire breathing, or something else overly dramatic along those lines. Not only do I need an antacid twice daily but I have also choked on my own bile-while sleeping! This is not the most pleasant way to wake up.

During a nice family breakfast the other morning I let out a light burp, must have made a gurgling sound and covered my mouth with my hand (discreetly I thought). My husband asked, rather disgusted, “did you just throw up in your mouth?” Yep, and I probably will again later. I never imagined that heartburn and acid reflux could be so intense. Or possibly, I just have an incredibly low pain tolerance, which means I am in for labor & delivery shock. I guess when your stomach gets pushed to your throat, you should expect a bit of a kick back from your meals.

Sciatica– Another surprising treat is sciatic nerve pain. I have heard of people that suffer with this ailment for far longer than 9 months due to other medical issues. I feel terrible for them, and am hopeful that mine will dissipate once my little miracle arrives. This literal pain in my butt, left cheek to be precise, stops me dead in my tracks. I have even found myself frozen in the kitchen trying to find a way to move without having to use my left leg. Although, the kitchen isn’t the worst place to get stuck, as long as the fridge is within reach.  Um, I am a wimp; so can I please have the epidural now??

Weigh-Ins at the Doctor’s Office– Is there really any bigger ego boosting self-esteem builder than stepping on that medically precise antiquated looking scale? And I understand that weight gain is normal and good for the baby. But the other day, before I even got on, she slid the big scary bar to 200. 200??? At least look at my chart first to see that I was 175 two weeks prior- odds are I didn’t gain 25 plus pounds. (By the way there will be serious consequences for anyone that chooses to divulge these numbers to my husband; not knowing my weight is the only reason he can get away with missing these appointments).

Lower Back Pain– This one probably isn’t even worth mentioning, especially considering my abs weren’t that strong before pregnancy, and so what did I expect? But the fact that I need to switch sleeping sides several times per night, and it takes me 5 minutes to navigate through the sea of pillows to roll over, all the while grunting in pain, definitely surprised me. And forget about getting out of bed without ropes and pulleys; it’s a good thing my bed is close to the wall.

Constant Stuffy Nose-I can’t breathe through my nose while I sleep, this makes me thirsty, water aggravates my heartburn, and I think I snore louder than my husband at times. That is all.

Rib Rolls– I really do love the feeling of my baby boy moving. It makes me smile, and my hands are instantly drawn to the location of the movement in order to feel the little guy. I am not sure how or what he is doing (I picture a whale raising his back in and out of the water), but my tiny son manages to arch what I suspect is his back or butt right into my rib cage. And it hurts. Badly. Thus causing me to wriggle and move around like a circus contortionist, yet fail miserably at dislodging the mystery body part. Even more enjoyable are the moments when he seems to be head-butting my bladder at the same time.

Barney Rubble Feet/Elephantitis of the (C)Ankles– I am not sure exactly when the swelling began, but one day I woke up and noticed that I no longer had ankles. The long skinny toes I have regularly been teased about have now become cocktail wieners. The one benefit of it being the cold winter season is that I can keep my chunky feet covered; the down side is finding warm boots & shoes that fit. Recently I wore some cute riding boots that actually felt fine, but left an unnatural ankle indentation upon removal. I still don’t understand how so little pressure could wreak such havoc. I am basically a waterbed from the knees down.

Gas/Flatulence/Breaking Wind-There is no pretty way to say it, and I have yet to find a pretty way to pass it. Especially when it creeps up unexpected, or causes so much pain that the quietest church couldn’t stop you from letting go. There are some seriously uncomfortable moments when the very small pockets of your belly not completely filled with baby seem to have no issue filling up with large volumes of air. Look out, she’s gonna blow.

I know I am not the first and certainly won’t be the last pregnant girl, and am definitely not looking for sympathy (well, except from the father of this adorable creature). Humor is the way I prefer to deal with the discomforts and anxieties of what’s to come. I hope some of you can relate (not just because misery loves company) and are able to laugh through your own magical pregnancy ailments.

What are some of your not-so-wonderful late pregnancy moments?

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Category: Moms

Tags: baby weight