Signs You Are Pregnant

Katie Katie Parsons is the creator of Mumbling Mommy and is a freelance writer, editor and communications specialist. She works from her home office on the east coast of Florida. Most often she writes about life in a combined family of five children and what it's like being a full time work-from-home parent. Feel free to pitch guest post ideas or just drop her a line at [email protected].

Since finding out that I am pregnant, I’ve signed up for a few weekly emails and visited a few websites that inform me of the way that I should be feeling, or might be feeling, or should expect to be feeling. Most of the time I just get a horoscope-type feeling about the things that these emails and sites tell me; in other words, I feel like the information does pertain to me but in a very vague, glossed over way. Forget those other lists and see the 7 signs you are pregnant.

My little banana baby

1. You read the back of your bottle of vitamins and immediately pull out your notepad that has name ideas and start copying down prenatal ingredients.

2. Though you are at the height of gassiness for your entire lifetime, the mere sound or smell of someone else’s gas (or even the kind that you put in your car) makes you ill. Strangely, the smell of toast has the same effect.

3. Any commercial with parents returning from military duty causes you to sob all day. And sometimes into the next day too.

4. You start referring to your fetus as the fruit or vegetable that represents that week’s size from the aforementioned emails. Phrases like “my little avocado” or “my rascally kumquat” become part of your vernacular. It’s weird and you know that. But hey, they are only the size of a lentil bean for so long, you know?

5. You have dreams about really weird things. Really, really bizarre and outlandish things. Like singing pieces of pizza or old high school boyfriends joining the circus as tightrope walkers. It becomes a regular early morning routine to text a friend about the dream you had about her and get a text back that you are a sad, sad individual who really needs to lay off the salsa before bedtime.

6. Your husband tells you that you don’t even look pregnant from behind and you take that to mean that you have always had a big butt.

7. Your breasts become a whole new entity, separate from your body. Most days, you are pretty sure that you can’t be friends with the weighted water balloons anymore. You brush them against the door when you are trying to squeeze into your car and the string of words that come out of your mouth would make a sailor blush.

If you or a loved one has experienced these signs you are pregnant, visit your nearest Target store and begin picking out receiving blankets. A couple of boxes of tissues couldn’t hurt either.

True stories from the front lines of parenting.

Signs You Are Pregnant

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