KatieKatie Katie Parsons is the creator of Mumbling Mommy and is a freelance writer, editor and communications specialist. She works from her home office on the east coast of Florida. Most often she writes about life in a combined family of five children and what it's like being a full time work-from-home parent. Feel free to pitch guest post ideas or just drop her a line at katie@mumblingmommy.com.

Sex after kids and the baby making years is really much better. Really? Is this too good to be true? I couldn’t begin to understand these words coming from my friends who were done having babies as I stood there with spit-up crusted hair and an extremely tired, haggard,  un-showered look . But there is truth to what they said. There is renewed life in your marriage, and your bedroom too, after the baby-making stage.

Having Sex After Kids

My husband and I were only in the baby-making time for 5 years, but in that time we popped out three kids and were exhausted. We knew when number three snuck up we were done. Our life was complete. So my husband signed up for the ‘snip snip. You know, the “hurry up and finalize it before another comes along” vasectomy plan. Yes he was game — after all, my body had been through enough already.  And something magical happened after the vasectomy was complete and he was given the “okay.” Our sex life got a second wind.

 

When you are first married sex is fun, exciting, and adventurous. When you first start trying to get pregnant, you spend several days, weeks, or months getting romantic and thinking of fun, interesting ways to have sex, especially when your temperature is right or the cycle calendar says it’s time.  After a while, in particular if you have spent a long time trying, it stops being fun and feels more like a chore. Then comes baby, and more babies. For a while, the last thing you want is to be touched by a man. Children are either in your bed, or sneaking into your bed at night, you’re leaking milk all over, you smell like spit up or have crusted food in strange spots, or you just are plain tired of being clung to and touched. Yes,it happens to all of us. You try your hardest to make the effort before you pass out. There may be some time between having kids when you feel energized again and have some fun nights, but nothing can compare to when you are officially done. I don’t know how to describe that feeling, the release, that “no stress” sex feeling.  Before you start having kids there are none to distract you and make you feel tired but things like birth control weigh on your mind. Did I take my pill today?! You may want more kids at some point, but not be ready to get pregnant right away so sex comes with a little bit of stress. It felt great finally letting go of that and just being with my husband, knowing our family was complete.

When my husband first had his vasectomy I was quite nervous.I  wasn’t sure if I should trust the system. But when the doctor told us the stats, that it’s safer than getting your tubes tied, and that there is something like a 1 in 10,000 chance of having another baby, I had to let go of my worries. When we got our second sample back after the procedure, and all was negative (signaling that it had worked), I decided to let myself feel free again in the bedroom. It was exhilarating! Sex after kids has now become fun, no worries, no strings attached.  My husband and I feel young and fun again. We don’t have to stop and worry about birth control, condoms, or cycles anymore. We have deepened our love in our marriage again and feel like we can move on as a family and have fun.When you make a permanent decision, it’s different than being ‘done’ and not doing anything about it. When you are sort-of done, you still have worries and have to keep track. That has disappeared for us. This feeling now is one of connection, a finding yourself again connection. I feel like I can take off my ‘mom hat’ when we go on dates and just let loose and have a good time. My husband enjoys that as much or more than me too, which is what has helped create that bond again. We can focus back on who we are and what we love about each other and not feel attached to children all the time. It’s a change in a marriage and only one that you can feel when you are there and experiencing it. If you are worried that putting an end to your baby making years will negatively impact your marriage, I’ve found the opposite to be true in my case. If you are on the fence about taking that final step, add a carefree sex life to the “pro” column.

What has sex after kids been like for you?

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