A month ago I wrote a post that was basically just free thought associated with motherhood. It felt really good to get it all out. So here is part two of my musings as a mother. I’d love to hear from you in the comments section on what you would add. Here goes…
I am capable of more patience then I ever believed remotely possible.
My child’s smile is one the greatest things I have ever seen.
There is a difference between baby spit-up and vomit. Seriously.
I could tell who’s diaper is dirty by smell. This is not a skill I’m particularly proud of and was incredibly relieved when it was no longer relevant.
Learning to use the big potty may not be the greatest achievement of our lives-but it may have been the greatest achievement of our moms’ lives. (NO MORE DIAPERS!!)
Strangers will ask to hold your newborn. It is as insane a request as strangers rubbing your
pregnant belly. Both are appropriate situations to be rude-but you should probably tell them to F*** off politely anyway.
Strangers will also ask how many you’re carrying or make other comments regarding how big you are when pregnant. I suggest commenting on how fat their ass is or something else along these lines in response.
Not everyone loves being pregnant and they shouldn’t be made to feel like an ungrateful cow because of it. You don’t know what their situation is, so shut up about how wonderful you think pregnancy is.
Yes, giving birth hurts. A lot. More then you can possibly imagine. But it’s temporary pain and after going through it you kinda feel like a superhero. Where’s my damn cape?
It is possible to tell the difference between a scream made out of annoyance or boredom and one that actually requires an adult’s attention.
Midnight is not the witching hour. 5pm is. Dinner, bath, book, bed.
The Doodlebops rock-mostly because my son calls them the DooDooBahs.
Heating up an Eggo and putting peanut butter on it counts as cooking.
Oatmeal cookies are the same as instant oatmeal.
When your kid throws up on you-don’t aim them away from you. It’s easier to change your clothes than scrub the carpet.
I now know how to remove carpet stains.
Ketchup is not a vegetable, but kids will eat vegetables if you put ketchup on them.
Any mess can be cleaned up so it’s not worth getting upset about.
Dogs make teaching a baby to eat solids much less of a hassle.
If you want your 1 year old to make a mess with their birthday cake so you get those great pictures, then they need to practice making a mess with food before the party. (see above comment about dogs)
Your pediatrician really doesn’t mind getting called at 2am-unless it’s an insanely stupid question. And they give first time parents significantly more license to ask stupid questions then more experienced parents. By the 3rd kid you should know what a stupid question is.
If your kid sticks a Cheerio up their nose its not a big deal-they dissolve. But a marble or raisin does require a doctor/ER visit.
AFLAC offers accident insurance which pays for ER visits. Look into it.
Toys that light up and make loud noises are only fun for 5 minutes. And the parents will remember you bought it for their kid and pay you back when its your turn.
Always buy little kids shoes and clothes that are just a little too big-otherwise they’ll outgrow them before you even get home from the store.
Everyone has an opinion on how you dress, feed, play with, interact, teach, comfort, discipline, style, and raise your kid. Ignore 99.9% of it.
It is not possible to spoil an infant by holding them too much. That’s a load of crap. Using a sling (baby carrier) does not make me a hippie freak who’s going to raise spoiled brats.
There’s nothing wrong with putting a baby down and letting them cry for a few minutes because you need to:
A) eat something
B) cook something
C) clean something/yourself
D) have 10 minutes to yourself without touching someone else.
E) any other reason
Dirt don’t hurt and eating a little dirt just helps build up a kid’s immune system.
You can add frozen squash to Kraft Macaroni and cheese and they don’t even notice. Plus it sticks to a spoon or fork more easily.
Nap time is one of the greatest times of the day.
Dr. Seuss is a genius and The Foot Book is one of the greatest books ever written.
When in doubt about how sick your kid really is, check out their behavior. If they’re acting fine, they’re not that sick.
Get your kid off the bottle as soon as possible or prepare yourself for shocked and accusatory looks and comments.
Everyone loves an infant. Fewer people like toddlers. Even fewer like preschoolers. No one likes a screaming kid with a stinky diaper no matter how young. Except Grandma.
Everyone in your family will think your kid looks like someone else on THEIR side of the family.
Bath time is a cheap and easy form of entertainment.
Bubble baths really do rock.
It’s not about enjoying every single second of it. Sometimes the things I have to do as a mom suck. (remember my comments about vomit?) But everything I do for my kids is out of love and is done because they need it or I think it needs to be done for them. Just doing the simplest acts with love is what being a mom is about. And it’s ok that I don’t enjoy every second of it…because I love them and the cliche is true. It’s all worth it.
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