I found out on Wednesday that I am having a little girl. It took some time and coaxing from the ultrasound tech (who was encouraging baby to stretch out by shoving the wand into my full bladder) but just as we were about to give up, our little angel gave us a glimpse of what she’s made of. I thought that I sensed disappointment in my husband’s voice when he told my four-year-old stepson Ferris “It’s a girl.” Sort of like, “Oh man. No boy for us, buddy.” My husband told me later that he is excited for another sweet little girl (we already have two) but just a little nervous about having three teenage women living under one roof at the same time.
|Our Little Girl|
I guess I cannot blame him for having that fear, even though the teen years seem eons away to me.
I, for one, breathed a huge sigh of relief when I was told that baby is a girl. Unknowingly, I had been stressing out about the possibility of having a little boy. I have nothing against the male sex. In theory, I wanted this baby to be a boy to even out the numbers in our home and give hopeful Ferris a little brother. In reality, I knew it did not matter what I put in the “pro” or “con” column for either sex because the determination was already made. I only needed a prodding ultrasound tech to find the proof.
Still, something about hearing the word “girl” made me wipe some sweat off my forehead. Phew. A girl. Okay. I’ve had a baby girl before. I can do this. Girl power, and all that stuff.
And really, babies, toddlers, preschoolers, elementary schoolers, middle schoolers, ‘tweens, teens and adult children all need basically the same elements of care whether a boy or girl. I know this. I know all of this. Yet, the word “girl” brought me the first deep breath I had taken since rolling out of bed on ultrasound day.
I have a lot of friends with little boys. I grew up with two younger brothers, one that I remember as a baby very clearly. My stepson is a little boy, but I find myself feeling ill equipped around him. I try to be funny, and he doesn’t laugh. I dumb down complicated subject matter (like when he asks me HOW the doctor will get the baby out of my belly) and he does not believe my answers. He doesn’t like it when I sing. I bribe the girls with the promise of snacks but the boy doesn’t eat (much) so my bribery is lost on him. If I take him to the park or the library, I’m on his good side. So we go to the park and library. Like, a lot.
I realize that I am not his mother. He has a very nice mother that he loves very much. This is not to say that he doesn’t like me, because he does like me, if for no other reason than the fact that his dad really likes me. I just feel like I’m missing something in the way of bonding… something that I’ve found fairly easily with my stepdaughter. So maybe this lack of a bond made me nervous about the prospect of another boy.
Or I am clearly a grown woman who is terrified of baby boys.
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Tags: baby gender